The Doctor's Assistant

2011-11-13T14:57:00.002-06:00

searching for apartments is fun and exciting.

I just hope that I dont get denied from living off campus. things would be so screwed up.

wEEEeeeeeeee

2011-10-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

Which Firefly Character Are You?

More on Firefly. Created by BuddyTV

CRAZY BUSY.

2011-10-04T00:01:00.004-05:00

yeah I'm not going to win at the 50 book challenge. maybe next year.

Updated Books

2011-08-21T14:25:00.002-05:00

-Read-

1. Looking For Alaska - John Green

2.Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

3.Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen

4.The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson

5.The Girl Who Played with Fire - Stieg Larsson

6.The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss

7.Just Don't Fall - Josh Sunquist

8. 13 Little Blue Envelopes - Maureen Johnson

9. Auschwitz - Laurence Rees

10. I was Doctors Mengele's Assistant - Miklos Nyiszli

11. The Looking Glass Wars - Frank Beddor

12. Seeing Redd - Frank Beddor

13. ArchEnemy - Frank Beddor

14. The Spy who Came in from the Cold - John le Carré

15. Johnny and the Bomb - Terry Pratchett

16. Feet of Clay- Terry Pratchett

17. Thud! - Terry Pratchett

18. Heaven is for Real - Todd Burpo

19. Thirteenth Child - Patrica Wrede

20. Conspiracy of Kings - Meghan W. Turner

21. Silence of the Lambs - Thomas Harris

22. Wise Mans Fear - Patrick Rothfuss

-

23. Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

24. But I Survived - Tadeusz Sobolewicz

-

25. Devil wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger

26. five people you meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

27. The zombie survival guide - Max Brooks

28. Unseen Academicals - Terry Pratchett

29. I Shall Wear Midnight - Terry Pratchett

30. Artemis Fowl- and the Atlantis Complex - Eoin Colfer

31. Artemis Fowl- and the Time Paradox - Eoin Colfer

32. The Bro Code - Barney Stinson

33. The Girl who Kicked the Hornets Nest - Stieg Larsson

34. Let it Snow - John Green, Maureen Johnson, Lauren Myracle

35. Will Grayson will Grayson - John Green and David Levithan

36. Anna and the French Kiss - Stephanie Perkins

37.

38.

39.

40.

50 book challenge

2011-05-15T15:50:00.002-05:00

well I think I should update my books to read, here it is!

1. ~~Looking For Alaska - John Green~~

2. ~~Frankenstein - Mary Shelley~~

3. Will Grayson will Grayson - John Green and David Levithan

4. Let it Snow - John Green, Maureen Johnson, Lauren Myracle

5. ~~Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen~~

6. ~~The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson~~

7. The Girl Who Played with Fire - Stieg Larsson

8. The Girl who Kicked the Hornets Nest - Stieg Larsson

9. The Bro Code - Barney Stinson

10. Artemis Fowl- and the Time Paradox - Eoin Colfer

11. Artemis Fowl- and the Atlantis Complex - Eoin Colfer

12. I Shall Wear Midnight - Terry Pratchett

13. Unseen Academicals - Terry Pratchett

14. Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

15. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss

16. The zombie survival guide - Max Brooks

17. ~~Just Don't Fall - Josh Sunquist~~

18. 13 Little Blue Envelopes - Maureen Johnson

19. Anna and the French Kiss - Stephanie Perkins

20. five people you meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

21. Devil wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger

22. ~~Auschwitz - Laurence Rees~~

23. But I Survived - Tadeusz Sobolewicz

24. ~~I was Doctors Mengele's Assistant - Miklos Nyiszli~~

25. ~~The Looking Glass Wars - Frank Beddor~~

26. ~~Seeing Redd - Frank Beddor~~

27. ~~ArchEnemy - Frank Beddor~~

28. ~~The Spy who Came in from the Cold - John le Carré~~

29. ~~Johnny and the Bomb - Terry Pratchett~~

30. ~~Feet of Clay- Terry Pratchett~~

31. ~~Thud! - Terry Pratchett~~

32. ~~Heaven is for Real - Todd Burpo~~

33. Thirteenth Child - Patrica Wrede

if I'm going to lose you, I'll lose you now for good

2011-02-18T18:32:00.011-06:00

Culture shock happens in little increments as it seems. I just shouldn't have much down time as I should know from working at camp.

to distract me I am going to construct a list of books that I am going to read this year. meaning- that I am going to do the 50 book challenge.

yes. I am going to try to read 50 books this year.

I can reread books but it can not have been a read book already on my list.

it has to be a book not a magazine or newspaper.

textbooks don't count unless its literature.

books I am reading right now that I will count-

1. ~~Looking For Alaska - John Green~~

2. ~~Frankenstein - Mary Shelley~~

books on the List-

3. Will Grayson will Grayson - John Green and David Levithan

4. Let it Snow - John Green, Maureen Johnson, Lauren Myracle

~~5. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen~~

~~6. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson~~

7. The Girl Who Played with Fire - Stieg Larsson

8. The Girl who Kicked the Hornets Nest - Stieg Larsson

9. The Bro Code - Barney Stinson

10. Artemis Fowl- and the Time Paradox - Eoin Colfer

11. Artemis Fowl- and the Atlantis Complex - Eoin Colfer

12. I Shall Wear Midnight - Terry Pratchett

13. Unseen Academicals - Terry Pratchett

14. Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

15. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss

16. The zombie survival guide - Max Brooks

17. ~~Just Don't Fall - Josh Sunquist~~

18. 13 Little Blue Envelopes - Maureen Johnson

19. Anna and the French Kiss - Stephanie Perkins

20. five people you meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

21. Devil wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger

22. ~~Auschwitz - Laurence Rees~~

23. But I Survived - Tadeusz Sobolewicz

24. ~~I was Doctors Mengele's Assistant - Miklos Nyiszli~~

25. ~~The Looking Glass Wars - Frank Beddor~~

26. ~~Seeing Redd - Frank Beddor~~

27. ~~ArchEnemy - Frank Beddor~~

28. ~~The Spy who Came in from the Cold - John le Carré~~

29. ~~Johnny and the Bomb - Terry Pratchett~~

that' what I have so far.

I am not counting John Greens Novella "Zombiecorns" as it was thirty pages, and a sad book... though I liked it... =]

I will add some more books later. and update it, check back and feel free to suggest some too!

all I have to do is close that door and I'll stop missing you

2011-01-14T20:23:00.005-06:00

so I feel the need to update for Meghan =]

Hello!

--

plans I have before going off to London-

go visit Jen (will on Monday)

Go visit Jess to claim my Christmas present that she is holding hostage

I need a haircut. I am going to get one when I'm down there.

no spoilers but I'm pretty excited for it =]

go shopping for

-another flash drive
-another Camera Battery
-umbrella
-other stuff that I'm sure I'm forgetting

I need a smoothie with my friend Jessie too before she goes back to her College

oh oh oh! okay so exciting news.

story time.

a few nights ago I saw on twitter one of my favorite musicians posted a voicemail box thing where you could call and leave messages and he might call back.

well I though "why not? I haven't done anything like that before and he deserves to know that he's awesome and that I love his music"

so I went for it and so that I wouldn't ramble and say "Um" a lot I wrote out what I wanted to say and called and left a message fully expecting nothing to come of it.

not less then ten minutes later my phone rang.

yes. It was him.

we talked about the time difference and how the weather is here now.

we talked about triple rainbow awesome tour,

and he said that he was really happy that I was a fan because he feels like no one listens and likes his music sometimes.

he also said that I could call him whenever :D

and he also tweeted this fact too.

which was really exciting.

the whole phone conversation was almost three minutes.

but I feel like that was the longest three minutes of my life.

I have some pretty amazing people in my life.

life is going well considering.

DFTBA

and even if I know, I'll never be your leo, I'll keep holding on

2010-12-03T14:36:00.006-06:00

so. hello. haven't updated this in a while.

so. . .

stuff that happened in November,

Sarah and I did a watered down version of Brotherhood 2.0 with Sarah being punished 4 out of the 5 videos she was suppose to have. me? only once. =] hahahaha

Ice Wolf got done, it was good.

except for my costume. *rant*

ok when you think fox even as a costume- jumpsuit headdress with ears and (finally) got a tail

what do you think of?

somthing that goes together with the tail having a white tip no?

NO THAT WAS NOT WHAT IT WAS.

I know that there was more planned and that there was more planned but I can't help but think if they were started earlier then I wouldn't have had a heart attack right before I went on. as He was still pinning my into my headdress. !!!!!!!!!!

my ear fell off during the scene. it was still attached. but it FELL OFF. if I was a real fox that would have been major pain.

>:(

and not to mention the fact that my head and tail were WHITE FLUFFY STUFF while my jumpsuit was a grey. did not match. "oh yeah we'll just spray it to match the colors." oops. "we don't have enough spray. so we are just going to leave it like that."

I looked like a westie. you know? think of Willy, John Greens dog.

the reviewer said that the only time that he snapped out of the theatre mind was when I came onstage. becuz it reminded me of Cats. yes. and he thought that I was the Ermine.

ALSO. technically I was in my winter coat as a fox, grey going into white. the ermine was in its summer coat. way to be the same. can we be consistent? no we bloody well can't.

*end rant*

robot time now?

Hello and welcome to version two
Tell me, what can I do for you?
What is a hug? It does not compute
Please stand by for my system reboot

Slim and a little bit Foxy

2010-10-12T23:08:00.003-05:00

Yeeeeah! got into the play!! first Ann show of the year and I got in! I feel really happy.

I'm sad that some people didn't get in though, I miss being in the play with them.

though I am ECSTATIC that some people didn't get cast. cough cough.

seriously.

ok so the play is Ice Wolf and my roomie got the main part!!!

oadsfij dsfaieofj s dfioaerjgt g!!!!!!

yes.

and I got the part I wanted! not joking. thought process;

"well it would be fun being the children but being an animal is way more fun. and out of the animals, I'd want to be a fox. cuz those are kinda like dogs. yeah. I can pull off a fox better then an ermine. or a beaver. I want to be a fox. but I will be happy with whatever I get if I even get in."

AND I GOT THE FOX.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

yeah. I am EXCITED.

and Philomena will be able to see me in a play!

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!

ok back to work!

I hope that something eats you. and that you are in pain.

2010-09-22T16:29:00.005-05:00

why are guys such dicks?

and why are friends for that matter?

that is all.

And I'm on my way to believing.

2010-09-01T12:46:00.000-05:00

school's going good. the end.

what if I just left it at that? haha no I wouldn't do that to you guys.

or maybe I would.

there could be nothing that you could do about it.

well.

whatever, but updates!

got in the play Love Labours Lost by Shakespeare

if you didn't know it was by Shakespeare shame on you.

I play Maria who is one of the ladies from France who come over with the Princess and falls in love with one of the Lords of the court where we are visiting.

it's set in the 1950's on a beach boardwalk, so it's tailored to that, but the ideas the same.

so rehearsal has been taking up time =] we even have some sunday practices! D: *gasp*

but I got measured today so I'm excited to see what my costumes are going to look like.

:D

Logics going well so far,

Painting is well painting.

we are doing Ballet in Dance and its kinda hard. my legs get confused easily. and then add the arms in I don't know what to focus on.

Improv is going to be fun, lots of work, which I knew, but Hopefully it will help on the Improv front.

Improv is going to be fun this year I think, we have five members at the moment, and hopefully the new ones, well let me rephrase, I hope we get a lot of auditioners

and then when we pick the new people I hope that they will be good =]

will update later hopefully.

DFTBA

Take these memories, throw them all away, so that I can forget the pain of yesterday

2010-08-14T22:12:00.000-05:00

I want to know now what's going to happen in the next couple of months.

I want to be able to control how I feel.

I want the GS Council to stop being such dingbats.

I want to be at school so very badly where I can be with friends all the time and not think.

I want everyone to be happy.

I want everyone to be understanding.

I want there to be more Nerdfighters in the world.

I want to be a wizard.

I want to be free and in the wild.

I want to just kick back and read and read and read while drinking lemonade.

I want to be able to do what I love and get paid for it.

I want to be able to speak my mind without people judging me for it.

I want to be able to be me and not be compared to anyone else.

I want to be Indiana Jones.

I want to be Vash the Stampede.

I want to be Haruhi Fujioka.

I want there to be more girls in anime that you can admire not for their physical attributes.

I want I want I want. . .

I want to stop wanting

I want to be able to be the old lady who is fearless.

I want to be the Ellie to someones Carl

I want my storyline to make sense.

I want to dance in the rain.

I want to help people make good decisions.

I want to live life barefoot.

I want to be able to run and not look back.

I want to watch the sunset while waiting for the stars.

I want to snuggle in blankets.

I want to just snuggle.

I want to believe.

I want sleep to be a sanctuary.

I want improv to get better.

I want to go star-tipping.

I want to have a definable path in life.

I want to be whole.

I want to get a haircut.

I want to be pretty.

I want to do something worthwhile.

I want to fly.

I want my body to be normal.

I want to NOT have cramps.

I want chocolate.

I want a doughnut.

chocolate doughnut?

yes.

are you happy now? have you got it all figured out?

2010-07-27T16:44:00.005-05:00

life is funny. then you die.

I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I can even explain feelings.

it's a new kind of hurt.

but I'll get by.

this song fits. it's sad, accepting of the fate that is coming.

trust. . . is hard to come by apparently.

I just don't know anymore.

I wish I was a robot.

I want to make myself believe that someday you''d fall for me, its not like I'm gonna tell you to your face or anything. . .

2010-07-12T22:14:00.003-05:00

so party night was pretty make super special awesome tonight. we are all nerds so it was like epicness on epic proportions.

the kids canoed over the marsh to supper by a pulley system (so it was like magic!) where they came to the lodge and got sorted.

Julia was like "Mary you can do it!" also she was like "What does Dumbledore say to welcome the students to another school year?"

to which i replied with "bubble pip squeak" im not sure about that quote and im like "no thats what he said. for cereal"

she thought i was pulling a Luna Lovegood, and so I wrote down what she prob said after saying that i was NOT my sister.

its been this fact thats been bugging me now that i have down time.

the reason we keep the campers going and going so that they dont think. yes. thats me. I'm thinking. and missing people.

and just thinking about stuff. thinking myself into circles. just. bah.

i dont even know.

i want my friends.

i want to be back with my roomie talking about everything and anything. I hope that shes ok.

I worry about her. a Lot. she's one of the thoughts going through my brain worrying away at the fabric of my migraine.

well im going to bed though. night all.

normal? normal? tra la la?

2010-07-06T20:39:00.006-05:00

so I'd thought I might have a mildly coherent post. but then I got sleepy and so here are some quotes that I like. some are for others that I want them to remember, some are just to be there in general, etc etc. the end.

I found these just around the web, a while ago but here yah go anyway.

“Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...”

“Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love.”---Neil Gaiman

“Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable.

Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, hey girl, magenta! and she's like, oh, you mean purple! and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, no - I want magenta!---John Meyer

Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.---Henri Frederic Amiel

We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,

I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting. ~Sylvester Stallone

You really shouldn't say "I love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. ~Author unknown

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart. ~Author Unknown

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

The truly stupid and the truly powerful have one thing in common. They try to change the facts to their views instead of changing their views to the facts. This can be a problem if you happen to be one of the facts they are trying to change.---4th Doctor, Tom Baker

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein

What is the point of being an adult, if you can't be childish sometimes?--4th Doctor, Tom Baker

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Originality is... a by-product of sincerity. ~Marianne Moore

When you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that...You find someone to carry you. Gina Torres as Zoe Washburne,--Firefly

You were born an original. Don't die a copy. ~John Mason

My superheroes don’t leap tall buildings, wear capes, or stop bullets with one hand. They bruise and bleed, and their superpowers are loving and listening.--Pauley Perrette as Abby Sciuto, NCIS

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.
~Phyllis McGinley,

Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. ~Carl Reiner

-----------------

so that's it I suppose. except that someone messed up my bed. I don't like it when people touch my stuff. i have one more movie to watch out of the four I got from the library and its "the Fourth Kind" and I'm not even sure I want to watch it. I do. but I don't. maybe if I go to bed at a reasonable hour. . .

zippadee doo da.

2010-07-04T23:35:00.011-05:00

stupid council with its stupid vendetta against camp.

stupid zit on my nose being hurting.

stupid rain not being able to watch fireworks.

ok wasn't too disappointed over that. other then I got wet. and cold. got home and wrapped up in a blanket. was sad. told self to suck it up cupcake. wanted cupcakes. no cupcakes in house. was sad.

I just go in circles. I keep myself entertained that way.

gas. money. car. distance. bah.

blarg blarg blarg.

this post will make no sense! and I plan on keeping it that way.

this is what I feel when I get texts from well you could probably guess really easily

waaaaaaaaaaaay exciiiiiiiiiiittteeeeeeeddddddd faaaaaacccceeeeee

and if you are a horrible guesser it's my face when I get a text/call from special friend aka boyfriend aka Cullen.

yes I did just draw that on paint.

I just read all of this which has swearwords. and it has filled up my braaaain.

the end.

just kidding.

well. . .

*EDIT* oh yeah. happy 4th everyone!

"Mary's house is so cool! it reminds me of the Burrow!"

2010-06-06T07:10:00.000-05:00

have not updated anything. wowie Harry Potter am I behind? yes, yes I am.

so updating. . . what to talk about. . .

update- I'm dating someone. =] I like him lots so don't expect a lot of updates on that again.

update- campers are down for the count at camp.

update- new swimsuit! its exciting cuz I found one on sale that fits and looks cute! booyah!

update- I can't go back to sleep! D: well I think I could now. but jeez. . .

I think thats the big stuff.

oh, new template! that also.

I'll try to keep up better but now you know the big facts and I'll elaborate more later.

DFTBA

Am I human? Or am I dancer?

2010-05-20T16:43:00.003-05:00

today I went to the eye doctor and it was easy as I did not get my eyes dilated, where then I found a blue box and flew off to distance lands, and la de da.

BAZINGA.

=]

I did get my eyes dilated, which I wasn't suppose to but whatever, next year it won't happen, haha, like it happened this year.

Tuesday Sarah (my roomie Sarah) and I went up to see M. Butterfly at the Guthrie and one I love their thrust stage. maaaan.

well we walking in and after being sat by a wonderful old gentlemen whispering to each other about the actor on stage.

we were one of the first to sit down, and there was an actor sitting with a knee up and a hand over it, all in black with a black mask and he sat completely still. for a half an hour. without fidgeting. if you watched closely you could see his eyes blink and move and he did move positions once, but every show that I've seen that start the pre-show with actors on stage, Raisin in the Sun, and Radio Gulf, were very good plays.

I know that judging plays on whether they start with something on stage is not the best way to go but I like that aspect more.

and the play was so good! just everything.

they brought on props that they needed during the scene by the people who were wearing all black and they hid them by fans. it was a very interesting way to do it and very well thought out.

after it got over Sarah and I just looked at each other just in awe. there was no other way to say it.

so all in all a good night =]

also I get to see some of my favorite people on Saturday!

way excited!

possibly a little nervous, but a good nervous. =]

DFTBA

there was a time I could stop on a dime, forbearance was one of my talents,

2010-05-15T16:24:00.005-05:00

things are looking up!

hopefully the Barrel will be open on monday but I think that it closes then, so we will just have to see.

but M. Butterfly on tuesday! way excited for that.

is it bad that I'm sort of glad that I didn't get tickets to AVPS? cuz so much has happened that might not have if I did go. =] and while it would have been really cool to see darren criss and joe walker live, I'm very happy right now. sad point to that is that I didn't get to see megan but hopefully this summer.

so many people to visit this summer. I hope I make all of them. I'm aiming for at least three. ones before camp so thats a little helpful. =]

well that it's it for now, don't forget to be awesome!

why is there no shut down button?

2010-05-09T23:20:00.002-05:00

I've written so many times trying not to sound angry or spiteful but I can't do it, I'm so overwhelmed right now I don't know what to feel.

today has been awesome.

at least tomorrow I will have my hair cut and feel different. hopefully.

thank you for curing me of my emotions

2010-05-08T00:13:00.003-05:00

who has two thumbs has and all her friends in relationships?

this one.

i kinda just want to leave it like that but maybe i shouldn't.

soo. what else to talk about. oh i have pink eye very possible. my right eye is red and weepy and hurts and reacts to light. its stopped now, but every so often it acts up again.

last night my contact was bothering me before i took a nap like it was fuzzy took a nap anyways and then it was tweaking out so i took it out put a new one in but then decided to go with glasses as i probably should rest my eyes anyways. it started acting up after that and all of today was spent in bed with my eyes closed. i only had one class and i ended up sleeping through it. not a conscious thing as i was practically unconscious till 12. but i got my stuff in anyway.

i'm reconsidering improv. maybe i just need to do it more but i'm liking it less and less. i like to watch it, i need to find what i'm good at i guess.

less and less i write. but i go on

i'm on a labyrinth kick right now.

i am in fact watching it right now.

and just eaten four kiwis and my tongue is now funny.

and so it goes.

who-hoa!

2010-04-25T00:42:00.003-05:00

so just had the best night EVER in the costume shop! brief summary-

Dottie was teasing Greg about tan lines

Greg brang in a picture of him when he was younger as a lifeguard

which proceeded for more laughter with awesome quotes, that are awesome.

if you want the full story just ask, and I'll messege you, I'm not sure how well it will transcribe without being weird. =]

but thats all for that night

DFTBA!

I have to laugh cuz I'm the joke.

2010-04-23T20:44:00.003-05:00

wow. today Sodd warned us that we might run it two or three times aaaaaand we only ran it once! so got out early. :D

I don't really want to talk. all I would talk about is stuff thats going around in my brain and I don't want to talk about that.

so much so much so much for that.

If I yell to the world,
would you hear it?

if I whisper in my hands,
would you care?

jumping is adventurous,
but you would never feel the wind.

I'm too far away to reach.

scared to go too far,
always worried for the little things

too bad for you.
you're a lost cause now.

and so it goes.

wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. . .

2010-04-13T19:14:00.003-05:00

pop can is open and i don't remember opening it. still drinking it.

so the film class final is making a short film with the theme being act 3 scene 1 from Romeo and Juliet.

gah. I think it will be fun but I'm just going to keep my head up and bare it. and fight for what I like. you know.

I am so dead.

I WANT MY FRIENDS BACK YO.

no plot? no problem!

2010-04-13T00:00:00.002-05:00

short very very short post.

I have come to realize that more and more that I say that I am ok with whatever, but what I really mean is that I will try to be ok with it.

let me explain as best I can.

someone will ask if I am ok with it, and I will say yes. and I'm not lying, I am, more or less, but what I also mean is that I am making myself ok with as time goes on,

"yes, I'm fine with it" equals to "I'm not ok, this is not fine but I am going to make it work because nothing I say is going to change it. I will be ok later. it will be fine"

I'm just thinking of the future really.

besides my disapproval means nothing. I'm just glad that I'm not the only one.

thats all for tonight. see? told ya it was going to be short!

this time can someone come rescue me?

2010-04-01T22:06:00.006-05:00

yeah. she's gonna get hurt. and I don't want to be around for the aftermath. I am a selfish bishhhh but I will deal with it one day at a time.

you know? some days I just don't want to interact with people. I just want them to leave me alone. except for some of my close friends. I am more happy with a few close friends then having someone to hang out with every second.

but when you only hang out with mostly one person and they decide that they like someone. . . yeah. not just any someone. awesome-sauce!

I'm ok with it to the point were I def know what will happen. heck *I* knew what was going to happen when I liked him! it's just that no one listens to the little voice inside that says "this guy is a sucker, say no." there's the other voice that says "maybe this time will be different! you never know until you try, you are gonna be plagued with 'what if's' if you don't. . ."

oh you voices. . . dang.

but enough of the past. now to nowadays!

I go to Hogwarts! HA!

as an April Fools Day prank someone put up posters labeling everything on campus as Hogwarts! the red phone booth was of course the way to get into the ministry =] the theatre building was the order of the Phoenix =] it was sweeet. I would have gotten pictures but I don't have a camera.

I need to get one. maybe over break.

I did however take pictures for my roomie Sarah with her camera. so there's that.

play practice is hard! I like Lazzi less and less. I didn't really like it before. but now. . .

yeah it's hard.

maybe there's an app for that.

ach, crivens.

that's it for today, toodles!

Just think of Captain Picard. . .

2010-03-29T00:16:00.006-05:00

Okay. just want to say that a friend is making a choice that I may or may not agree with, about a boy. and I say boy because he isn't a man. and I just wanted to get that out.

*sigh* glad I got that out of the way!

so today was palm Sunday. can someone say WOW. mass was FREAKISHLY long today. we didn't even receive communion till after 11!! and the mass STARTED at 10. 10ish I should say. so yeah. an hour and a half maybe more. awe-some!

I shouldn't expect any different from the regular mass. the weekly ones are long too.

*ahem* we do not need a fifteen minute homily! you are not saying anything worth listening to, you just keep going around and around, you could make a better point if you shortened it up! and then we could remember what you were talking about!

the end.

yes I do time the homilies at this Church.

bite me.

got info on how to reserve tickets for Very Potter Sequel. hope it will turn out that it will work out.

Ah humanity. I have to trust in you so much to pull through when I want something.

and I so very often get disappointed.

I'm not too sure about Improv. I love watching it, and for the most part I do love doing the scenes but there's a few members that just will not graduate. jeez.

sorry this is all over the place. I want to get to bed early and get this down.

gah. his holds be bursting with swag.

I just hate how much I realize now how much I've been lied to.

and why does it still freaking hurt.

am I emotionally stunted? I sure feel like it.

I can't wait for break.

Attention, all personnel - we interrupt your sweet dreams to bring you the following nightmare.

2010-03-27T00:11:00.009-05:00

. . .

I watch Pans Labyrinth when I need to cry.

I just feel down. not really sad but I don't know what else to feel. right now I feel like I need to be sad. or something.

sometimes I feel like I want someone to show interest in me, someone I like, the problem with that is I don't like anybody.

maybe it's because the performance took so much out of me. the audience really liked it so that jazzed us up. at the end of it I know that I was really hyped up on energy and now it's gone.

hey look I am using good grammar and spelling. mostly.

garrrauphgh.

I'm going to bed and not going to think about it.

if my life was a book I would have had my happy ending by now. I also would have had an amazing adventure. of some sort.

bleh.

nature is outside. go for it!

2010-03-16T21:18:00.002-05:00

my computer is singing to me again. I closed the window of the music and its STILL GOING. *shakes head* I don't know what to do with it. good it got caught up with whats going on.

well. now to catch you all up. =]

I am now apart of Alpha Psi Omega a nation wide theatre fraternity.

the musical got done,

I got in the next play "a doctor in spite of himself" as a guy which should provide some laughs =]

quite possible that I am going to see A Very Potter Musical Sequel! its looking very likely but I'm looking at the bright side and not thinking about what happens if I can't. I'm a gonna try hard =]

I still have dirt underneath my fingernails from urinetown. it just wont go away haha

I haven't been sleeping well and I blame my bed. some days I wake up achy all over. I like my loft back at school. maybe its just the pillow. the one I prefer is back at school.

blah blah blah. I am bored. and I don't want to do anything. like anything. anything at all. besides sleeping. and eating. and showering possibly and just doing nothing but reading and watching tv. is there a job where I can do that and get paid? at least doing a job that I like that pays well.

no motivation.

maybe next time

2010-03-04T00:26:00.002-06:00

i really love the group chameleon circuit. really love it. =] hint hint!

opening night went really good i think tomorrow is already sold out, =D so that's exciting! I'll try new begging styles i guess, after intermission a few of the poor go out into the audience and begs, and the money (if we get any) goes to Haiti. well it should anyway.

we have to sign in to go pee so every night i sign in as a different person.

first night was "Tony Stark" then "Billy Boyd", "Mike Caboose", "Pip Took" "Guy Fawkes", and "Clark Kent" tomorrow I'm thinking of "John Simm"

i have to keep it kinda shorter names cuz its during a song so i dont want to hold up the line, haha

omgsh. . . spring break is in two weeks!

pledging for APO (the theatre group on campus), and we have to make a "mini" flat of the play we are assigned to. yeah. def did not make that with any love.

so many confusing things. . .

garruphm.

you know whats awesome? having a cold come back with a vengeance two days before opening night. i've been able to sing well enough, and thank goodness that i dont have any solos but still. i'd like to think that i am contributing.

got in the next play =] "a doctor in spite of himself" by Moliere
i dont know who i am playing yet but i just know that i got in.

so thats that. and theres my hat.

to Dance again! I've been waiting all this time to Dance again!

2010-02-11T11:40:00.003-06:00

i really wish that i had a camera so i could put up pictures of the future metalsmithing stuff.

it's a fun class so far! but i still like my film class more =]

next semester theres going to be a shakespeare class which i hope to take, that sounds fun, even if its going to be an early Saturday class. bleh.

Urinetown is coming along.

I'm going to take a nap.

more later maybe =]

Rocks are not people.

2010-02-03T22:03:00.004-06:00

AAARGGGH.

dancing. is not. my thing.

how i wish i could glide and sway and pop, like how dancers do but i do not. i overcompensate with my weight and fall over. you'll get a nice waltz or cha-cha if you're lucky, (appearantly i have very good hips) thats fine its not like "west-side story" type dancing (think of "cool" and pretty much all of that) here. have a vid.

start at 1:43

and yes. that is pretty much what we learned today. I am not kidding.

and so right now i am eating blueberries watching District 9 in my jim-jams, with my roomie while she does homework.

I'm doing hoomework tomorrow!

so far my favorite classes are my film class and my vocal lesson. metalsmithing would be more fun if it was more like. . .not in the morning. . . even if it is at ten. . . =]

but my vocal lesson is def in my top list. I'm learnging two songs from the drowsy chaperone, (I'm an accedent waiting to happen, and I don't want to show off) and "Being Alive" from "Company" (wow! does that go HIGH!) so I'm really excited! they're longer songs that i really enjoy. =]

i like singing in the play. it's just some of the dancing that gets me.

i've been really hungry lately. I'm not sure why. oh. maybe because the market doesn't serve any food that is worth eating! and nothing that i like. or is eatable. ateable. you know what i mean.

bah.

girl scout cookiesss.

XD

I haven't been sad. but im not happy. im just there. just, i dont know how to explain? im ok, dont worry but i've just been thinking about how im doing and i just dont have that happyness around me like maybe last yearish. . . yeah. it seems everybody has changed here from last year, from what i knew of them. and no for the better.

im making a sailboat (i think im going to make it into a necklace) in metalsmithing.

that's going to be it for today.

DFTBA!

bananas are good.

2010-01-27T13:35:00.002-06:00

so tired. . .

all through practice i was thinking to myself. . .

"THIS IS SOOOO BOGUS."

we learned the the end of act 1. and all of it and didnt do it from start to finish (its really long) sooo. . . i'm going to forget alot of it. . .

awesome!

also there's a guy who looks like the cute version of spock. =]

oeighn jvdsf vjnsd sngvdio vsdnio sd biob jsb

boo

i just want to sleep. . .

# +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ ~Hex

2010-01-04T00:39:00.006-06:00

just a quick post because otherwise its just going to be a rant post.

this is actually being posted at 1:13am on a Weds morning. tues just got done. (weds the 13th)

i can't wait to room with someone who likes anime/manga. i'm so tired of feeling silently judged for likeing it. i don't like the stuff that everyone assumes right away that everyone likes! (example, yaoi and so on)the stuff i read are like the books that i read, they have a plot line, the bonus is that i get to see it happening too. the facial expressions are wonderful! i love drawing in this style, and yeah. . .

i cut this part out. . . it dealt with manga/anime stuff and Sarah.
boring stuff really thats old. and what do rants really get me anyway? not far.

also appearately with me being such a big Repo! fan, im suppose to hate the new jude law movie comeing out (repo man) but im pretty stoked. . .

theres so much i want to rant about. but im trying to hold back. lets just try and summarize?
---
WHY ARE YOU NOT TALKING TO ME? (are you too busy?).

i feel like such a burden.

yaay song books YAAY! (drowsy chaperone, and company)

what the H am i living for?

why cant i have motivation? please?

i just want happiness.

mainly i want someone to show me the way and say "ok do this and do it as awesome as you can"

i want someone to appreciate me. and the stuff i do. i want to draw pictures for people again.

i want to know that im not a burden to my friends. im sorry that i have NO money and the job to try to combat this, take up my time. and that i have no means of transportation. and the good friends are back home, graduated, or other colleges. (or over seas, or live out of town during break)

im really glad that this roomie is going to work out. (at least i hope i didnt jinks it with that) i just have a good feeling.

i want something to go my way when i want it too.

i wish there were more gentlemen in the world. not nice guys cuz there are them. but mix them with gentlemen? you got a bomb. extra points if they are willing to fight for, and protect you.

and be a nerd. ^-^ <3

sometimes i feel so out of sync.

sometimes i wish i knew how other people think. (the way the think, not what)

sometimes i wish i knew what people were thinking at a point in time.

----

that might be a long enough rant.. . was a longer "summery" then i thought it would be.

yeah def longer post then i thought but havent posted for a while.

for doctor who--

WHY WAS TEN SO OOC?!?!

the end.

no. actally no not the end, wtf doctor? where do you get off whining and moaning like a bisssssh* when before you would have gladly have died for anybody? 9 was so much better then you.

im going to end it like that. let the chaos ensue.

The Crumbling Castle

2010-01-01T04:24:00.003-06:00

How long can you live with the walls inside you totally white washed?
When will the ugly wallpaper show through the thin covering?
What can you do to stop the self loathing from corrupting your very foundation?

Do you rebuild?
Or let it crumble?

How do you reach the walls?
Do you build more around you?
Or do you build a stronger fortress?

Can you feel the pain of each beat?
Can you hear what is being said?

“Please don’t hurt me.”
Is that what it’s telling you?

“Just keep breathing.”
Is that what it is saying to me?

What do you do when you can’t breathe for yourself?
Do you take a breath and hope?

Do you?

What is hope?

What is real?

this is to you guys out there. all of you. . .

2009-12-25T11:21:00.002-06:00

Christmas time is here! yaay! i got a lot of stuff that i wanted. and stuff that i like.

im back to random thoughts again. not much to talk about right now.

except that i noticed that there is people who i do not know following my blog. i dont know, this might seem weird but if you are following my blog could you leave a comment saying hi, something about yourself, why you're reading it, or something? i would like to know who im blogging to other then my family and friends =]

thats just something i'll like to say. =] everybody have a happy Christmas!

I'm a Night Surgen. . .

2009-12-24T22:09:00.003-06:00

im so confused, mostly to my blog. well. all to my blog. but i get to see erik when i go back to school! suck it.

those two are not related in any way. and there was no sarcasm there.

CHRISTMAS IS JUST A FEW HOURS AWAY!

my toes are cold.

DFTBA

Searching. . . for what?

2009-12-14T23:06:00.004-06:00

REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA IS AWESOME.

ice is cruel.

i wish all the guys here were not . . . i can't say anything without swearing. . . jerkfaces. . .there we can go with that. . .

at least i really haven't met one yet.

why can't there be more nerdfighters?

OH YEAH. Daleks got them.

oh well DFTBA. i'll get more steak when i get more ideas.

oh! so i got in the chorus in Urinetown =]

thats all. other then you should all come. . .

i have written 100 posts! this is my 101!

2009-12-12T18:17:00.006-06:00

i think i have everybodies Christmas presents. . .

and i found lost of stuff that i need that was on sale! for really cheap!

also i still need to shop with my mommy, maybe. . .

also i got paid yesterday! :)D

good.

i like kohls.

Look what i found!

2009-12-11T22:54:00.001-06:00

DUDE!

KANSAS CITY

2009-12-02T22:03:00.003-06:00

KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY

KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY
KANSAS CITY KANSAS CITY

the ice caps are melting! oh ho! ho ho ho!

2009-12-01T23:45:00.004-06:00

my play that i directed went really good! i was really proud of my two actors! the audience was laughing! and i feel like it went good. there are parts that i wish were played up but i was very pleased. i stayed up till 5am finishing my directing book. i am so proud and happy that i got it done! i feel so accomplished!.

DFTBA

there was an alien in my nose.

2009-11-19T10:55:00.002-06:00

i have been so tired lately. i just want to sleep.

i miss people.

i dont want to write so thats all you are getting in this blog post.

blah =P

haha

DFTBA

Ack! I'm so behind!

2009-11-09T23:09:00.006-06:00

so short post.

Jens wedding!

Cold. it snowed in the middle of it.

strapless dress.

brrr!

Reception was nice! and very fun with Megan there.

the speech went better then i thought. that was good.

all the groomsmen was very nice. they gave the bridesmaids their jackets when it was really cold outside.

on to NaNoWriMo! (National Novel Writing Month 30 days and nights of literary abandon!)

so im writing a 50,000 word novel in November. so thats gonig to be a reason why im not gong to up date ask me for details when you talk to me. I'll be glad to talk about it! but sleepie time now!

two more weeks til break. . .

theres no business like show business!

2009-10-27T15:27:00.002-05:00

ok so this weekend i went to minneapolis and saw four plays. wow. all of them were so good!

first-

Radio Golf

was so interesting, it definably got you thinking.

it was about a black charactor running for mayor, and his wife and friend were helping him along with a project of renovating a ghetto part of town into shops and parking lots. but its halted for a bit when an old man said that he didnt get any notice that his house was sold, and that he had to pay taxes since someone always paid them when his mother was alive. the politician finds out they bought the house before it went on sale on the market so it was illegal. after he finds that out he finds out that his dad was the one who was paying their taxes. and upon finding that out he finds that they are related! so he loses his election, his friend and wife, and the play ends with him going to help the old man with his house. all in all the least interesting play that we saw but it was so interesting! Andy was finding so many points that was like "its a wonderful life"

on to the next one!

Bert & Ernie, Goodnight!

what can i say about this? AWESOME!

i cant really explain, but watch these videos and you dont get the feel but its enough i think

both of the actors did a wonderful job of pysical work, using their bodies like they were muppets, the flailing around and stuff =]

if you ever get a chance to see it, take all your family and go! i loved it and i think youd have to be a rock to not enjoy it.

then we saw

The House Can't Stand

which was a one man show. well a one woman show. it was two hours long and the energy that he had playing this character was amazing! to clarify.

Steve Epp is really famous and with Dominique Serrand directing him on what he had written, was amazing.

here i'll just tell you what the thing said,

"The Southern Theater presents the world premiere of a new solo performance and the debut of a new Twin Cities theater company. This compelling story of a lonely mother in search of a future was created by former artistic directors of Theatre de la Jeune Lune, Steve Epp and Dominique Serrand, and by the team that brought you such acclaimed productions as The Miser, Carmen, Fishtank, Don Juan Giovanni, The Deception and Maria de Buenos Aires." -- http://www.southerntheater.org/2009_10-22_epp_and_serrand.htm

just wow. wowsie. overwhelming. Jeune Lune had to disperse because of money trouble i think so i feel really privileged to have seen such a great play. or monologue rather.

the last play was

Ruined

wow. what an impacting play. it was set in Africa during some of the rebel wars,
and focused on more of what happened to the women and how they get through it. just wow. it was amazing.

well now im off! good bye!

is hungry. will eat.

2009-10-18T22:14:00.002-05:00

i am wearing my borrowed hat. i like it.

next time i will tell of jens wedding. becuz i can procrastinate like that =)]

my skull tray is wearing my sunglasses, and it makes me laugh.

auditions for directing one shows is coming up.

am i kind of nervous? yes, a bit, but more excited then nervous i think.

im trying to buy tickets to the flying karamozov brothers but they only take credit cards so i cant use my debit and i cant use my credit card! i have money at this moment, but not in my credit card.

fiddlestixx.

oh well. i figure it out.

freshman me was an Idiot.

2009-10-04T22:16:00.004-05:00

so I've been oddly emotional lately, i'll be happy one minute and close to tears the next.

geez i hope im pms-ing.

its getting annoying and im the one being emotional! bah.

erm nothing else really.

im tired so i am going to go to bed. the end.

DFTBA

I am Michael J. Caboose! and I HATE BABIES!!

2009-09-20T20:57:00.003-05:00

i worry alot. i expect people to be like me, common sense should be mandatory right? i mean not like, like me but i dont know what to do when im happy (finally) being single, i expect everyone to do the same, or something. my world is still very small. no wonder im like the Hitachiin twins. but i worry that i'll be to mother-hen overbearing so i go the other way and do nothing.

well enough of that.

i wish i could win a car. thats the problem from coming from a big family. you are not special. well what im saying is that it seems that most people who come from a family where they are one of the few children have a car that they had help getting or a gift form their parents.

thats the end of that spiel

im tired of other peoples drama here. that sounds selfish, and it is, but i just want everybody happy so that nothing goes wrong.

there should be like a blicker light soomewhere so that you know that you are with the right person. like the whole soul mates thing. like if we could see each others auras and we could just tell if we were right for each other so that there would be no hard feelings when it went wrong. you could avoid that. i dont know that sounds silly.

gah theres so much drama right now in the theatre.
alex and jenna during the shakespeare festival "fell in love" and had an affair, jenna and andy had a huge fight i guess, and katie just found out why alex broke up with her a few weeks ago.
and matts got a new girlfriend. and so the circle turns.

thats all the drama so far that i know.

why was i so naive last year?

bah.

good news- i *think* i might be keeping up with homework so far. . . maybe cuz i dont have a boy distracting me so much. im glad i learned all that last year.

kayla brought a fish back and i enjoy watching it swim back and forth and eating rocks.

hmmm. not sure what else to report.

im watching the emmys and i like it. =] i should watch this stuff more often.

the guy who plays sheldon in the big bang theory is a cutie ^-^

i should call it a night.

well it could be worst, there could be snakes in here with us. . .

2009-09-05T00:03:00.005-05:00

random post-

ok things that happened this week, today-

theres a whole drama going on with some people in theatre so im not going to touch that in this post.

but today lets talk about today.

well my credit card was declined.

but my debit card came in.

i learned that one of my friends is planning on trying to hook me up with her brother.

erm. . .awkward.?

also,

im tired of being human.

yeah. but its not as bad as last year. im not going to be distracted. i can be pretty rational with myself when it comes down to it. i just dont share that with people.

like when megan didnt know i liked matt, its cuz i dont share that information with people ussually. not about people i like, even if they are close friends. i knew i liked him during the christmas break, but i was still getting over the stupid d-jerk alex, and i didnt see it go anywhere so i didnt pursue those feelings and that was it. after i got over alex all the way i was happy, i had finally got friends who i knew wouldnt forget me, and i could just be as silly as i could be.

well surprise!

yeah, downhill after that.

why am i thinking about this? i dont know, i just want to understand everybody motives, why, why, why? why would you do that?

grrr.

why must everybody be so difficult!

also i found out that im suppose to say a "heartfelt" speech for the reception,since jen doesnt have a maid of honor. and that i have to dance with a groomsman.

knowing my luck it will be a 9 year old who will have a crush on my by the end of the night.

but im not sure who's going to be in the wedding other then me and Megan. and Jen and Shawn.

Bbbb. . .

AHHhHHH!

what am i going to do?!?

"just open your eyes, and see that life is beautiful. . ."

that is all. . .for now. . .

i want a rocketship!

2009-08-27T17:16:00.004-05:00

whaaa--HOOoo!

so. they are talking about taking a spring trip to london just to have fun and watch a bunch of shows!! im so there. well i want to. also i have most of my posters and stuff up on the walls. i really like how everything is turning out! i'll have pictures maybe later.

i wonder how many people actually read my blog? besides my family and andrew and stuff. just random facebook friends milling in saying stuff like,
"oh whats this? marys life? oh lets read to see what went on before i knew her.. . . . oh really? she liked him? and why does she tell pointless stories? this isnt cool at all! why does she keep this up?"

stuff like that i make up in my brain thinking about it. its weird to think about but ok. i dont mind cuz its the internet. what i put up here i do think about what if so-and-so reads this? if you read a post and its about you. well. i do mean to put it up and i was angry or hurt that i didnt care. whatever. im hungry im going to go eat.

later,Ta!

no one is no one

2009-08-16T18:40:00.004-05:00

meh. today was a good day. first class schedule-

M/W/F
9:00-9:50 General Logic
11-11:50 Directing one
1-2:50 Painting one

T/R
9:30 Makeup Design
3-3:50 Flying Pans
also maybe some voice lessons i would like that.

logic was fun the professor was sarcastic it was awesome, and on the syllabus it said to have a joke prepared for each class. this class is going to be awesome!

directing is going to be alot of work but i already got a study buddy so thats good, its going to be fun and alot of responsibility. and alot of money but money well spent.

painting is what it sounds like, painting still lifes. fun fun.

well i'm off to bed now im tuckered out!

sorry this is late, its a long time coming =)

so much to do! why must i be so busy?

2009-08-14T12:13:00.003-05:00

there is so much stuff to write about but i need to do all this stuff! before tomorrow i need to do

-make puppy chow
-buy ingredients for the punch
-find streamers
-and cups
-i have no clue but im forgetting something!

blog later ta!

what a crazy random happenstance!

2009-07-04T19:30:00.003-05:00

camp has been going great actually. its why i haven't been updating so much =)

camp and the people that i work with, well most of them, have been awesome, this year has been so much better then the others.

i don't know maybe this year it just clicked, I'm not worried anymore about the kids liking me, being the favorite counselor, I'm just concerned now with them having a good time and being there to keep them safe. i was before but now i know how to do it so that I'm enjoying it as well.

its weird for me because right now so far I've been practically mauled my the campers, I'm suddenly one of the favorites, me being the "crazy" one, the one they run to so that they can sit with me at suppertime, inform me that I'm awesome, that sort of stuff.

I'm not used to this, I'm just average nothing really amazing. just me being myself, random, OCD, ohhh look shiny, arf arf! OOIIIWW! kinda stuff (PS that was a dog barking then a moose).

maybe that's the secret, i mean i know this is very clique, but the last years i think i was trying too hard, too hard to be cool, to be liked.

now I'm just there for the kids to have fun to make sure they are safe, and wall-ah! love me. interesting...

also Megan and Matt are 'facebook' friends again after she deleted him, after they broke up, i wonder who asked who back?
i say this cuz i noticed that she came online and he came from being away, and she didn't talk to me like she usually did. then i checked and they both were off.

I'm very tired of their drama, and i very much wish now that i didn't get into it. i know I'm different from it too, I'm not trusting as i was. I'm more cautious. i even wonder if they know how much they hurt me. how much trust they stomped on.

yeah whatever, nobody cares about the people who trust easily, they are walked all over in seconds flat.

i don't think they will get the trust that they had when they were my friends, I'm not angry, I'm over it, but its just, why? why would you do this? i so want to ignore you, but that's going to be hard when you are in the theatre all the time. also i don't have Megan and Jen to distract me. cuz now Megan's part of the problem. grrr.

next year is going to be interesting.

I'm glad Andy's back.

why am i even worth it?

2009-06-29T20:45:00.003-05:00

having family means that nothing is your own.

you will always have to clean up other peoples messes *even* though you have been doing that over and over the past week and come home to rest from it and find that you have to do it there too.

having to expect that your siblings will mess with your stuff even though you respect their stuff.

so thanks for helping me understand that my needs and wants dont matter.

the end of this ranting.

whatever im going to end up not caring about this later, cuz i cant stay mad but still. why must everybody argue?

short update

2009-06-26T18:25:00.003-05:00

i have been so busy at camp i have barely been able to keep up with my friends in the real world, and it makes me feel bad, and bitter, i barely enough time for myself its been so crazy. arrrgh! why cant camp be easy? no one understands, unless they have worked there, how much work it is to work there.

the end

also the Andy Griffith show is awesome. i forgot how much i like this show.

thats it for now

is this why everyone is telling me to cover my ears when talking about whatever? (i dont know what they are talking about cuz i cant hear)

2009-05-31T00:35:00.006-05:00

so this random quiz i took on facebook came out of the blue for me, i wasn't expecting the answer but i feel like it is very me

~~
Mary completed the quiz "What kind of mask do you wear?" with the result Innocence.

Your mask is innocence.

You are innocent but not easily impressionable.

You always give people the benefit of the doubt, and are nice to everyone you meet.

You never really judge anyone, but you sometimes may judge yourself.

Everyone who meets you usually adores you, even if you don't really know it.

You always think you may be messing up or doing something wrong, but you're usually not.

You don't have a problem restricting yourself from things you think you shouldn't do, although sometimes you're a bit curious.

Sometimes people try to take advantage of you, but you don't always notice.

Over all you're untainted, friendly, and everyone loves you. . .

~~~

well then i don't really need to say anything else cuz i do all this. i always give people the benefit of the doubt, im always making up excuses for other people, im so harsh on myself its not even funny, im not going to comment on all of it cuz it got me nailed to a T

i hope everyone loves me, its hard to tell sometimes, im too hard on myself.

marys musings

2009-05-30T01:19:00.005-05:00

accepting is releasing.

moving on is important.

not being worth the truth is hurtful.

singing is happy.

being loved is fuzzy.

support in hard times is warm-ness-ful.

eating ice cream is joyous.

finding songs that describe me is dancer.

hangnails are annoying.

mountian dew is addicting.

angry music is calming.

looking good is always good.

sometimes your heart has to bleed to make room for love.

staying positive gets more done then bringing everyone down.

wishes don't stay true for long.

hopes get crushed more then getting proven.

love is a four letter word

On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess Im learning, I must be warmer now
Ill soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark Im aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die

three days grace always knows what to say...

2009-05-26T02:16:00.009-05:00

~just like you~

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

On my own, cause I can't take living with you
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like you
Want me to

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

i am handling this new different then how you did, you should be glad. because its not I'm my nature to make my friends feel bad i think of others feeling before mine, so that means that i get stepped on all the time i finally found someone who made me happy and that i could just be myself and random and i will just have to find someone that i can be as random and weird and nerdy with me cuz he wasn't it i guess. my happiness doesn't last for long, so i work for my friends, even though I'm hurting no one seems to appreciate it. when i go after my happiness it ends in disaster. I'm like charlie brown.

I'm too trusting. I'm too nice. i don't want others to feel bad. so i bend, and speak in futuristic terms. sometimes. i just need to say how I'm feeling. but i don't. you know what they say about how nice guys finish last? what about girls?

i really feel like throwing your own words in your face. "you two deserve each other" and all the other hurtful things you said, ruining my sisters recital for me. but i wont. I'm not like that. everyone needs their happiness. but what makes you think it will work out this time?

the worst part of being lied to is knowing that you were not worth the truth.

"and we'll be fine, you'll be fine, is this fine? I'm not fine!"

i will be.

you will bloody well work to earn my trust back. he does too, now more then ever.

you gotta laugh when you're the joke. . .

2009-05-26T00:14:00.008-05:00

sooo. erm. not sure what to say or to feel.

many things. many many things.

it took a whole week for her to tell me, but im glad she did. better then me anyway.

she always has been a better person,

why do i always do this?

gah i cant write now maybe later.

its weird but im both happy and hurt, its a weird feeling and i cant explain it, she has hurt me its more something else.

hard to explain.

im going to bed, cant take this now.

sleepy time comes after pants time, you know what! i think these people are just making up times!

2009-05-23T03:49:00.013-05:00

i can not fall asleep.

so this blog post will be made up of all my icons of sleepie-nesses

im gonna try again.

you left a hole where my heart should be. . .

2009-05-19T22:41:00.002-05:00

Being Alive

ROBERT [speaking]: Stop!...What do you get? [Sings]
Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.

Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

---

so i found this on the 20th of june and thought that it was appropriate

im so good at hiding

2009-05-15T03:28:00.002-05:00

sometimes i just feel invisble.

nobody notices me.

but random people have been talking to me and i dont know how i feel about that.

Stop! lost my contact! found it!

2009-05-10T18:15:00.004-05:00

_____________________

Dear Sir,

i would like you inform you of some things that have come to my attention.

the first thing-

if you have no intention of doing anything with my heart, will you please return it to me.

the second-

also in your procession is my nose. i don't need that par-say, i don't need it as much as my heart, but i have come to realize that you have not returned it.

the third-

i think that her staying over the summer with you is a mistake, but nothing i will say will change that. it just hurts to know that you were thinking about it during our relationship and you never asked for my opinion.

it makes it seem that you didn't think that it would have lasted to the summer.

sometimes i just wish you had respected me more to tell me in person. instead of taking the easy way out.

but what is done is done.

and i do hope that you find happiness.

your friend,

Mary

DFTBA

_____________

I am walking work of art

2009-05-08T21:41:00.003-05:00

i am noticing that i dont blog as much when im happy.

and so they started talking like pirates

2009-05-07T00:17:00.006-05:00

and so it happens that i have regressed back. I'll get through it.

i had just an awful day. it was fine in everything was good it was just me.

and i didn't want to text or call or I'm Megan and Jen cuz its getting old its reached the point of "suck it up cupcake" and deal with it. well they wouldn't have responded like that at first, but i am even tired of this. after crying it all out to Sarah, it kinda picked up i watched a episode of mash with another one of the girls on our floor who likes mash too.

eating supper though was very deja vu.

i felt sorry to Andrew, cuz i was very spacey and not talking at all, very much the same when Alex was gone for a weekend and it was going badly with him.

that's when Matt started talking to me cuz he noticed that, and was wondering what was wrong, i went with him and Andy to supper that night, and Andy already knew what was going on. so yeah. now its him. how wonderful. except theres really nobody to talk to about it cuz i really cant talk to him about it, cuz that's just rude, and mean, Andy is busy with packing up to come home, and Megan and Jen, Jess, and Sarah have heard it all so its just i need to suck it up.

talking with Andrew helped too. but it got me thinking about it too much i think, i really don't know how to make me happy right now. I'll just take it as it comes.

"end of rant"

what a friend we have in time

2009-05-06T15:55:00.004-05:00

well. the votes are in.

Mary = unhappiness = Friends get awesome stuff happen to them

whenever something devastating happens to me something happens that i can only be happy for them that happens.

example,
when Alex told me he wanted to stay friends (it felt awful at the time now i am soo very glad this happened) Sarah and Luke got together.

that's a big one, now that I'm single again and struggling with getting back to being happy with it, and not missing him, only missing him as a friend,

Megan got a part as a spokes-person in a training video, and everything is going good with mat.

and i know that all of this is not related to whats going on in my life and that i don't have an affect to whats going on and stuff, but this always happens.

i just seem destined to be not happy.

cuz when I'm happy something always happens.

Here lies everything

The world I wanted at my feet

My victory’s complete

So hail to the king

(Everything you ever…)

Arise and sing

So your world’s benign

So you think justice has a voice

And we all have a choice

Well now your world is mine

(Everything you ever…)

And I am fine

Now the nightmare’s real

Now Dr. Horrible is here

To make you quake with fear

To make the whole world kneel

(Everything you ever…)

And I won’t feel

A thing

the perfect smile. . . hiding that broken heart. . .

2009-05-05T01:20:00.004-05:00

so. i don't know whats really going on. I don't know, I have reached the point where i have put the rest of my heart into its safety cage, its too vulnerable to be let out again. i don't wear my heart on my sleeve, its nicely locked up so not to be hurt.

that plan worked well. *sarcasm*

interesting that he unlocked it, only to hand it back carefully, and upon getting it back, i was the one gripping it too hard, trying to hold it together, and that fragile thing broke, the opposite of what i was striving for, it also seems that he keep a piece too. dang. i guess that is the best i can explain it. its hard to explain.

can't wait till summer.

get my mind off of it, and on to keeping the girls safe, and making sure they are having fun, helping them with their problems, singing them to sleep.

that's one of the things that i miss, is singing all the time, i love the campfire songs, i miss them.

i will probably cry more often too, cuz they will start me a thinkin.

nope. not going to go there, but what a better way to go boy free then at a girl scout camp? no boys to worry about, the only guys there are the lawn boys and last year there were no college lawn boys, after Jake got fired, so there's only Jon and his friends helping out. i don't know if Julia has hired anybody else. Jake was fun to hang out with and he actually played and talked to the girls when we played kickball with him.

i am so numb right now.

i have reach that point again, this is my default, i guess. I'm not bitter, only a little not gonna lie, but not bitter at him. weird.

this is stupid. i am still gonna worry about you even though I'm not in a relationship with you. you're still my friend.

(~better forget her~)

you are a difficult man sir.

There's a long, long trail a winding,
into the land of my dreams.

where the nightingale is singing,
and the white moonbeams.

there's a long, long night of waiting
until my dreams all come true.

till the day when I'll be walking
down that long, long trail with you.

probably not. which saddens me very much.

luke im your father. . . it is useless to resist. . .

2009-05-04T01:19:00.002-05:00

May The Fourth Be With You!

i feel like babe williams in the pajama game

2009-04-28T22:46:00.007-05:00

it seems to be one extreme for me doesn't it? I'm not happy, or I'm too happy its disgusting. when i get happy though I'm always scared, and i numb myself up for what i know whats going to happen. whenever I'm happy something always bad happens. when I'm in pain something always happens that's happy for my friends or family. its a proven fact, i haven't seen it proven otherwise, cuz this is what has happened every time so far.

i made sure that i tried my hardest to not numb myself, cuz Matt doesnt deserve me being cold to him or something like that, for no reason.

but now it hurts so much. it looks just like writing here, but i could feel myself almost crying while curling Megan's hair, but then was distracted by Joel telling me and Alex some interesting stuff.

i asked Megan if i have been hiding it well, and she said that i have, but she could see it, but she knows me pretty good, so i would expect her to.

i don't know what to do, we are still friends, we started as friends, he was always someone to lean on when the Alex thing got so confusing, i would talk to him and Andy about it.

its all very too surreal for me to grasp...

i guess I'm happy that he was my first boyfriend, but its a different pain. it hurts more, its more intense, its hard to explain. i just want him happy, and if that means that he cant do a relationship with me right now, that's fine. but i don't want to do that to myself again.

ahrgk, I'm crying again.

why does it hurt? there should be a cure or something.

i mean it too, not like "i hope he's doing fine" and then wondering if he's suffering like me, i don't want him to suffer, and yes, i know he's big boy and can handle himself, but i want him to be ok, to be over me, so that he can move on. so that i can too.

yes I'll miss what we were, I'll miss alot of stuff, but that's part of moving on. i need to find a way to get past this. just two more weeks really. jeez.

I'll get through it. its not the end of the world. all this I'm telling myself, but it sure feels like something died inside me.

hey there
you with the stars in your eyes
love never a fool of you
you used to be too wise

hey there
you on that high flyin cloud
though you've been acting cold to him
you know that your heart is sold to him

get on the ball girl
just take it all in your stride
don't let him make you fall apart
you've always had such pride

wont you take this advise i hand you like a brother
or are not seeing things too clear?
are you too much in love...(to hear?)

Weave me the Sunshine

2009-04-26T22:53:00.008-05:00

They say the tree of lovin'
{shine on me again}
They say it grows on the banks of the river of the sufferin',
{shine on me again}

(chorus)
Weave, weave, me the sunshine,
Out of the falling rain,
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow,
And fill my cup again
Weave, weave, me the sunshine,
Out of the falling rain,
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow,
And fill my cup again

If only I could only heal your sorrow,
{shine on me again}
Then i could help you to find your new tomorrow
{shine on me again}

Well only you can climb that mountain
{shine on me again}
If you want to drink from the golden fountain
{shine on me again}

Chorus

Well I've seen the steel and the concrete crumble
{shine on me again}
Well, the proud and the mighty all have stumbled,
{shine on me again}

Chorus

I've become so numb, I cant feel you there

2009-04-26T10:18:00.006-05:00

~~Hey There~~
(from the Pajama Game)

Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes
Love never made a fool of you
You used to be too wise

Hey there, you on that high flying cloud
Though she won't throw a crumb to you
You think some day she'll come to you

Better forget her
Her with her nose in the air
She has you dancing on a string
Break it and she won't care

Will you take this advice
I hand you like a brother
Or are you not seeing things too clear
Are you just too far gone to hear

Is it all going in one ear
And out the other

----
DFTBA

F* F*F***

2009-04-25T21:46:00.002-05:00

so in case you slow or something.

here it goes.

first boyfriend

first break up.

the end

don't call me mom.

mwa! ha! ha! mine is an evil laugh!

2009-04-22T06:12:00.002-05:00

i need better study habits

Church! I am so glad you made it! now we can be smitherins together!

2009-04-20T23:36:00.002-05:00

alls well so far. service day tomorrow, I'm going to Des Moines to clean up a cemetery. sounds pretty fun, i guess, but we leave at 7:50am so I'm going to bed with this as my last thought for you to think on.

if mares eat oats and does eat oats do little lambs eat ivy?

DFTBA

i would make a wonderful ambassador! because i am very shy!

2009-04-19T23:20:00.008-05:00

i just have a bad feeling about this week. i hope to be proven wrong.

and i don't know why either, i just feel dead. this weekend took most of my emotions out of me, once i get mad enough, i go on a apathetic strike, i just don't care about anything.

but this time its different, I'm not reaching the full 'i don't care about anything' (well i still care about my friends and stuff) cuz its not just about my friends anymore. one of the reasons i like him so much is that he started out as a friend, i didn't think in a moons second that he would event think about me more then a friend. how i was proved wrong. i know that i can count on him to be there for me as a friend and a boyfriend.

he thinks in the way of "nice guys finish last way" but that's one of the qualities that i liked right away in him, that he was nice to everyone, he gives everyone a chance, who doesn't like those things in a guy?

he has a wonderful laugh.

and smile, i love his smile. i like making him smile with my random stuff.

i just sometimes don't know what to do, I'm new at this, i don't know whats right, whats wrong, i don't know what he expects, i don't know what to expect, its all crazy in my mind trying to figure it out.

i trust him.

its kinda unsettling to know that someone has your heart, but its a good unsettling^-^

i should stop rambling, and go to bed =]

DFTBA

Your toast has been burnt and no amount of scraping with remove the black part.

2009-04-14T12:03:00.004-05:00

my room is so cold. frinken cold, it took so long to get warm in my covers last night, and then waking up this morning it was finally warm i didn't want to get up.

i did though.

facebook is being incredibly slow.

figures.

I'm off to my last class of the day I'll post more later.

----
Later
----

i am so motivated. i am doing schoolwork.

sigh.

cheering myself on is not working, telling myself that I'm motivated makes me even less. i don't like people telling me what to do, if i don't like them or i don't like them enough, i will (its in my sub-conscious to do this) do the OPPOSITE of what they tell me. or if i really need to do it and i know i have to do it, i will put it off later, which hurts me in the end, but it makes me feel better, kinda..., i did this to mom with homework alot, which made me a worst procrastinator. and now me telling myself what to do it not working.

k I'm gonna get this done.

well on things like work and stuff when people tell me what to do I'm fine, its just on things that are on my list that I'm gonna do but they don't believe that I'm going to do it, so they tell me, if they would have waited i would have done it, but by telling me, its now further down my list, unless its like camp or in theatre and the reply is "that's next, I'm gonna do it, don't worry about it." so yeah.

i guess i never noticed how much i feel about this subject. whatever, now that i got it written down, i can let everything slide off like a duck, no worries.

why is there such a thing as college? i mean why is sooo expensive? knowledge is power so they have to charge more as we get smarter? well if we were so smart, we wouldn't be paying so much.

oh well. paying for a freezer of a room in when its barely getting warm outside.

whoo-hoo.

k I'm done ranting i guess.

the end.

DFTBA everybody.

little brothers make me smile!

2009-04-12T11:19:00.003-05:00

Stephen--Mary. Have you Played the Xbox yet?

Me--No, but I've Played on my boyfriends Xbox.

Stephen-- You have boyfriend! what? what's his name?

me--Matt

(now here i am thinking he is going to make a connection to him and our brother Matthew having the same name, but he surprised me haha)

Stephen-- Mary and Matt! sitting in a tree! K. I. S. S. R. R. G!

Me-- what how do you spell it?

Stephen-- I don't know

Church if i die, i want you to have my orange juice

2009-04-11T11:48:00.007-05:00

my nose is getting worse it seems. gah i don't want to have a cold! bad nose.
this is not my best day ever, my cold is raging out of my control, i cant text Matt, or Megan, and I'm really hungry. I've got the rumblies. =]

well i cant hold it in any longer, i have to share this.
be warned its kinda bloody, so younger viewers beware.

just wow.

I'm trying to memorize the song so i can sing it randomly out and about. i don't know why people find it surprising that i know random songs, i just sing ones that pop in my head whether they're from camp, or just stuff I've heard, like this one. they are just songs that they don't know=]

i cant wait to get back, i miss him. and Megan and Jen. but seeing him just seems to make the world all better. huh, that sounds very cheesy. I'm not that kind of girl who talks like that all the time, but he just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside! all seems right in the world when i see him, like a release on my heart that i didn't know was clenched. and that was way more cheesy then i meant it to be, well i guess right now I'm just digging the cheese, haha, "and the provolone..."

well enough of me being cheese filled, tomorrow is Easter! free candy day with out any work! you just have to find it.

and i just noticed how manly my hands look. that kinda bothers me. i need lotion, my hands are not soft at all, i work with them alot, they are put to use, not dainty at all. i try to do my share of the workload at camp, not that strong but i help when i can, not good on the hands if you're trying to keep them feminine.

sustainability. that's what Julia wants with the crafts so that the campers have something to use or look at after they go home, so its not just "oh that's nice" then into the trash. so that's going on my list.

i like triscuits.

i like to eat them.

"one day i'll eat your brain and it'll be great, so lets sing about the things we like and meet your fate"

haha.

do you have a zombie plan? it better be a good one ;]
DFTBA!

I am so glad that you are here Church! now we can be smithereens together!

2009-04-10T12:14:00.008-05:00

oh noes. oh nose! why must you run away from me? this is not good for my health. come baackk.

last nights mass was lame. really bad. it was horrible, to put it lightly it made me throw up in my mouth a little.

last night i found that there was a third charlie the unicorn and i watched that... HAHA! i love it, and i watched his other stuff i hadn't before, omfg, wow. like llamas with hats. and ferrets. its so morbidly wrong it was hilarious.

i am so tired i just want to sleep.

i need to get my ncis fix soon.

and house i haven't watched house in a while, i need to check on facebook when i can.

i feel like my head is going to explode.

i really like the feeling that I'm not single anymore =] its different, like i feel more complete, like i was complete before, but now its being shown a different perspective, there's a bumpersticker i found that says "love is giving someone the ability to hurt you...but trusting them not to", i trust him alot, and i don't know if he knows it, but he's got my heart, =] i hope he keeps it safe.

well off to church again this time somewhere else, and hopefully it will be better.

dftba!

my body is trying to die

2009-04-09T11:41:00.003-05:00

gah. i just woke up to the most horrible thing.

my nose was running a marathon.

without me.

thus my head was sore from trying to keep up. and my throat.

jeez my nose is really inconsiderate, i mean who does that? honestly.

the car ride is going to be fun.

whoo-hooo.

gah.

FML

i don't feel good at all!!

i want to be healthy! why is this so hard for my body to understand?

i almost didn't go over to Matt's last night cuz i could feel it coming on, but i wouldn't have gotten to see him otherwise before break. i hope i didn't get him sick. i hope that was a good decision, i can see that backfiring on me.
(swear words here)

screw that noise.

dftba

He had given me more then my share...

2009-04-09T00:27:00.004-05:00

ok blogging steak...with ketchup. well i will try my hardest so here goes.

----

today went slowly with me sleeping in later then expected, i really need to go to bed earlier, now don't i? after classes i planned my other classes, taking only 13.5 credit hours cuz nothing else fits. dang.

then to supper with Jen, Megan, and mat. Mat D, not my Matt.

=D

then to Megan's bowling party where we found out that it was closed cuz it was reserved, so after wondering what there is to do in this small town, we decided to go to Wal-mart. I know. where we got Disney scene it, and played it.

i lost. horribly.

then i went to Matt's and watched ghost hunters. and south park, and Reno 911, and then stuff on spike tv, which was something about who would win a gladiator vs an Apache Indian, then csi NY, then i left.

now i am blogging.

hm, i wonder if he would have seen if i would have wanted to hang out if Megan hadn't said something, i wonder... i don't want to be there where I'm not wanted, and if he doesn't want to hang out for some reason he should tell me, but don't leave me in silence,

"stick and stones are hard on bones,
aimed with angry art
words can sting like anything
but silence breaks the heart"

i just would like to know that he is safe, he is doing well, and that sounds way too clingy and i don't want that. i really don't know what to do, first time girl friend.

sigh everything will be fine.

i just like him alot, and i don't understand why he likes me. I'm glad he does, it just amazes me that he does, he makes my heart go pitter patter =] doki doki!

has this been filling for you guys?

I'm just really glad for my friends right now, and i just cant wait till i can see those magazines Julia was talking about.

Dftba

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But when God gave me you, it was then that I knew

2009-04-07T16:37:00.006-05:00

today is going to be a Wtf! day, i have decided.

nothing has happened to make me go wtf! but i really love these icons so there.

i have vashs song stuck in my head, "total slaughter, total slaughter, i won't leave a single man alive..."

haha its a fun song to sing...

i need chocolate, i ate the dove that mom and dad got for me already. mm-mmm it was goo-oo-ood.

gah. gah. bah, erk.

that is all.

dftba.

I went around broken hearted thinking life was an empty affair

2009-04-06T18:15:00.002-05:00

i don't really want to go to Easter break. its going to be short just four days, but really I'm going to miss him.

i like having someone to miss.

=DDDD

i don't know how to do hair very well, and I'm on hair and make up crew. yaay. I'm going to find out how to do it!

i really want some baked beans right now. and that NOT random a commercial just played. so there.

argh I'm tired 8am class tomorrow so good night!

DFTBA

but he left me out so it seems

2009-04-02T20:16:00.003-05:00

wh00t! wh00t!

I'm so happy.

Sarah- hi.

=]

Matthew- Megan is really happy that you care about my friends to check up on her computer that many times that you did. PS you really should come and visit.

then there wold be three Matthews hanging around. Megan hangs with Mat, i hang with Matt, and then you! the three Mat(t)s haha. m cubed to the extreme! haha, then me (Mary) and Megan, that's five M's! haha, you should just come for that fact.

aaaaaannd tomorrow we leave for the culture trip! wh0000 h00000!!! so that's it. I'm going to work on my rehearsal time log for Sodd, then pack then head over to Megan's for a sleep over!

Dftba!

to father and mother their love for each other

2009-03-30T20:31:00.006-05:00

its all good. like *really* good.

i was really bored and didn't want to do school, and so sense i cant get on facebook, i drew.

its one of my favorites, i can really only draw like this when I'm mad or something so it was surprising for me. I'm happier then i thought, and its a nice feeling.

he's my favorite subject to talk about right now. i really hope this will work out, i like him alot. to be very blunt. =]

oh and Megan got a virus on her computer, if a "spyware 2009" pops up to say you need to update or something, DON'T CLICK ANYWHERE JUST CLICK THE "X" AND GET OUT OF IT and if you leave it running (which Megan did, it popped up while she was taking a nap) it will latch onto your computer and do what viruses do best. and you can get it from any website, so be careful. its a pretty common thing i guess.

pop! pop! fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is!

i did some homework today! you guys should be proud! haha

ok well this is a documentation so mark this day on your calenders!

yeah that's really all i have to say except that I'm stoked for the culture trip! its going to be soooo much fun!!!

everybody!

and to the poets their dreams

2009-03-28T20:29:00.002-05:00

so erm yeah.

Sarah why must i be coherent?

i mean i don't know what I'm doing most days.

sometimes i like to do stuff randomly, just to be silly, to make people laugh, I'm a joker-a jester not a batman villain.

I'm not at the top of my game right now. argh.

Sarah, watching you play your flute today makes me want to play again. i mean I've been missing playing, but this just reinforced it.

hmmm.

beetlejuice.

and my pop is really gassy.

hurgagurge.

well DFTBA everybody.

"God gave the wisemen their wisedom..."

2009-03-27T23:03:00.004-05:00

I'm home I'm safe.

yeah i was right i didn't get a part. i can usually tell when i did ok to get a part, i wasn't feeling it. its ok i wasn't expecting a part so it wasn't a surprise that i didn't get a part. I'm on make up crew so I'll be there at the end of it. I'll just miss the whole rehearsal part, i like the banter the cast has with each other and with Ann. oh well next year, they might have a part for me that's more in my character.

tomorrow I'm planning on going to visit Jessie and then go to get some shampoo and stuff.

I'm just missing people right now.

aww. there was just a bit on the news about puppy mills and it was sad.

ok well I'm going to bed so that i can get up in the morning. Ta.

im scared cuz when im happy something bad always happens

2009-03-27T15:51:00.004-05:00

I'm kinda excited to go see Sarah's recital but i had plans this weekend. sigh.

and now I'm a jerk face.

well i don't know. but that's how i feel.

i just wish... *sigh*

oh well, i just hope he doesn't hate me. or at least dislikes me.
I'm not sure about things, does he still like me? whats going through his mind right now? i don't know. well...

I'm such a charlie brown.

DFTBA everybody.

we are afraid to care too much for fear that the other person will not care at all

2009-03-25T22:27:00.004-05:00

I'm reaching the point where that i care very much for him, and i really hope he does too. i know he says he likes me, but I'm such a pessimist, i just need to believe.

i just need to know sometimes.

.....
.....

i am such a coward.

....
....

*sigh*

i wish these things were easier.

sometimes i wish i didn't give my heart away so much when i like someone, its not a bad quality, cuz that's what makes me so loyal, and i don't give it so freely but when i like someone and i get to know them, after a bit, its given whole heartily, and i just hope that trust isn't broken again.

i like him a lot.

wow freshman year i didn't know could get so crazy. i didn't think this would happen at all, no guys ever looked at me before, why now? i haven't changed, have i? I'm not any prettier, i am still the same plain, awkward Mary i remember...

sometimes i wish i would know what was going on...

Fluffy! The alien that only loves!

2009-03-24T11:04:00.003-05:00

i hope this goes well. i hope i hope i hope. i hope i hope hope hope...

so my family is not coming to my concert today. its not so much i want them to hear what i've been playing cuz they have heard most of what we have played, but i haven't seen them in a while. i need to see my family!

on another note, i'm craft director for camp this year! i'm super stoked!

thats it i'm going to go take a nap.

i sing when im happy, right now im belting the songs.

2009-03-22T23:34:00.003-05:00

right now im extremely happy.

wish me luck on auditioning tomorrow!

see! I told you could pick up chicks in a tank!

2009-03-14T21:50:00.005-05:00

Happiness is...waking up with a smile on your face and knowing who put it there

=D

----

tomorrow we leave for our pans tour. argh. I'm packing now so I'll hope to write later.

Happy Pi day! and Dftba!

:DDDDDDDDDDDDD :DDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-03-13T02:50:00.003-05:00

gragrall frzzt. wizzl frzyt. hapoerrs and whooooo!

(also broccoli = trees, if anybody cares to know =])

~girls dont like me, girls never like me~ "caboose, no one likes you" ~I like me.~

2009-03-12T10:33:00.006-05:00

soooo. i was searching and this came up, i love this song i have decided, and the clips are really good, that's all I'm going to say today.

also this one awesome.

Yeah, that's a good way to prove you aren't insane. Just start screaming "the bomb, the bomb."

2009-03-11T16:20:00.003-05:00

grah.

i hate midterms.

and steel drums.

that is all.

also i want to understand my sisters jabberwocky

DFTBA

"wow. the empty concrete base? is it our birthday?" 'I want cake.'

2009-03-09T16:19:00.019-05:00

so i had a wonderful birthday today!!

Megan and Jen were being very elusive today and telling me to stay in my room, so that they could come and pick me up for supper. and then at around 5:17pm, i heard a banging on my door. i looked through the eye hole, and there in it was balloons.

and i opened the door to see

(only not with me in it, and in front of my door, with the balloons in it)

then they jumped out and i so wasn't ready, haha, it was a-ma-zing!!

and it had awesome stuff in it! it soo totally made my day!!

some of the pirate stuff they got me :DDDDDDDD

and some lovely light up rubber peeps for bath time, they are so cute!

also as cute as the fuzzy soft froggie and doggie!

and some awesome halloweenish type candy, Sweet!

but my favorite i think,

strawberry scented bubbles!

my friends are made of awesome!!!

i really didn't expect anything, its my first time from home, so i was not expecting any presents either, but I'm soo lucky to have them as friends! there are no words to describe my happiness right now, but I'm doing my happy dance!

and! i got to talk to Philomena and other then sounding tired it sounded like she getting better, she should be discharged tomorrow or soon after tomorrow, is what i heard, I'm glad, i was worried, and i don't like to be worried over long period of time. too much stress! but I'm going to give her a gift from chantecler since she couldn't come, i hope she likes it, i wont be able to give it to her until April. dang. oh well, i think I'm going to bed now.

DFTBA!
*happy dance*

Choose life Simmons... Choose it...

2009-03-07T16:42:00.002-06:00

just wanted to say that i really love my cake. and the season of NCIS.

I'm watching the prestige right now with a few friends, and i forgotten how tear jerking it is with all the deaths. and that Borden couldn't do anything when he was fighting with his wife he could only put his child to bed, and he couldn't say anything about it.

it so tragic i don't even know.

well I'm off, one last night before strike!

DFTBA

Could you put that in a memo and entitle it 'Sh*t I Already Know'?

2009-03-06T09:56:00.004-06:00

so I'm pissed i just typed a whole thing on xanga and then my Internet freaked out, so i lost it all.

so I'm kinda pissed, my whole rant is lost, so now i have to rerant! gah.

oh well. freakin A.

I'm tired and i want to sleep and i don't know when people are coming if they're coming.

fml

I'll try it again later today.

and Philomena is in the hospital with pneumonia.

gah!

i dont need this stress right now!

well im off.

DFTBA

Erm… cuz im allergic to things i dont want to do coughcough*. Coughing…

2009-03-05T16:50:00.004-06:00

so. i am now feeling that dreaded cold monster called... actually i don't know what its called, but i have no drive to get anything done. this is bad. i need to get out of this funk, start to want to do stuff! its not apathy, cuz i care that its not done, i just don't want to do it, it needs to pop into existence from my mind. that sounds good.

well also I'm not just feeling it, but its catching up with me.

i need to go start some mischief or something, I'm so bored!

some days i just feel like sitting in the corner tearing up my work i worked hard on cuz nobody appreciates it, like tamaki,

"I'm making bedding for my hamster"
"but you don't have a hamster"

i think i might be turning into a tamaki, I'm hyper enough. gah, why can't life be more better?

haha I'm kinda turning into my sister. one of these days i will blog happiness, like the one on my birthday, but more so.

well DFTBA

I'm sorry, what? It's kind of hard to hear you over the sound of your constant team killing.

2009-03-04T16:26:00.006-06:00

so today is opening night! wh00t. I'm excited. I'll get pics of my costume on Sunday.

other news.

my phone is in pieces, for serious.

razors suck

case in point

with them together, the gold film that feeds the screen and tells it what to do is clearly ripped

on the floor for the better affect

well I'm off DFTBA